Words, as harsh as they can be, can also heal any open wound if we allow them to. “you are beautiful regardless of what they say” she whispers in my year near the balcony at the Irish pub. She hugs me tight and tells me to stay strong. I am her inspiration, kind of like a love song. See, I know I can aspire to inspire but to actually hear someone say that I inspire them to be better makes all the difference in my life. They all know what im facing and look at me with pity. I’m a borderline alcoholic with too much alcohol in her system. Im mixing toxins and engaging in unprotected sex and all for what? To feel alive? To feel good? To feel beautiful? These men feed of my insecurities and I feed off their fake affection. We feed each other’s egos’ with sex and cigarettes. I don’t know how to act if I don’t feel wanted. I only know how to exist when I am wanted. Girls like me are hardly ever wanted, you know. I’m used up and sad and drunk and perpetually waiting by the phone for someone to pick up and tell me that I did good. but I didn’t do good. I failed at this, and failed at that and feel victim to this and fell victim to that. And all for what, to feel alive, free and liberated? I feel humiliated and ashamed. That jerk Turkish guy had the nerve to look me straight in the eye and push me away like I was some piece of garbage he had already used. Or that other guy who found it funny to insult my weight because as he put it “if your going to act like a man, you better take it like a man” so there wasn’t any room for me to feel sensitive. All I wanted and all I still want is for someone to help me out and stand and sleep by my side regardless. But I guess I cant have that until I learn to love and respect myself. To feel comfortable in my own skin. I need to go on a journey of self-discovery. And that journey starts tonight.
**If you happen to find this helpful or important in any way, please share it with a friend or family member. Thank you.
What happens when we don’t use one of the most valuable things we have? Let your Voice be heard. Make you Voice be heard. Speak up.
“You had an eating disorder. You have an eating disorder. You will continue to have an eating disorder. If don’t change your life, you are going to kill yourself.” These words are the words my therapist told me when I saw her on January 4th of this year. She made it clear to me that if I stayed on the path I was on I was going to eventually die of a cardiac issue.
Hi, my name is Muna Sharma and I am bulimic, bipolar, and pretty fucked up. But I’m not alone. do you know how many young adults have to deal with either mental disorders, eating disorders, or both simultaneously? Im not going to sit here and state facts to you, but more people than you know face these issues everyday. So what is the point of sharing this? Well, to take a stand. I found out that to help me get over something and fully recover I need to share it and try to make a difference about it. I am also a firm believer in being the change we want to be in the world, so I began with myself. A few days ago I changed my Facebook cover photo to the photo above where my face and body are very blurry. Underneath it wrote this caption:
“Since when has it been okay to judge someone based on their weight? or even judge ourselves. who set the standard at 2? who defines what is beautiful and what is not? Who created this mythical perfect woman and implanted the idea of her into the mind of society and set her as the standard? Why is it always a goal to lose 5 or 10 pounds but never the goal to get healthy? why is it so hard for us to accept ourselves and others for what and who we are. to the girls who want to take a little bit of here and add a little bit on there, you are beautiful, and dont let anyone make you feel anything less.
Im constantly being criticized for my weight by my society and it isnt because it is “unhealthy” but because it is “not pretty” and “no one will want to marry me”. Well you know something, im ok with that. I am a size 12 and damn proud of myself. So society, DEAL WITH IT. I have suffered from an eating disorder for too long and so have so many girls my age. Take a stand and end making young women feel the need to starve themselves and make them selves purge just to be considered beautiful.
My face is blurry in this picture to symbolize the way society makes a person feel. We are lost in the crowd, unimportant. all that matters is how “hot” or “sexy” we are.”
Posting this caption, with my size included, was not easy bit I felt like I had to. I had to prove to myself that I wasn’t ashamed of myself. So today I got the idea of making this something bigger. I inboxed my close family, my friends and my sorority sisters to change either their facebook profile picture or cover photo and state their size and a little about self image. A few of them did, and I know most of them wont, but im sill trying to get the message out there. So here I am, posting this on my blog to reach all my followers and facebook friends. If this hits home to you or someone you know, speak up about it. Let other girls know they aren’t alone and they don’t need to fall victims to societies idea of beauty. Make your voice heard, share someones story, share your story.
- Confession 1: Let’s Talk About Eating Disorders (reflectionsuponreflections.wordpress.com)
- Let’s Talk About Eating Disorders (davidemeron.com)
- How to Help a Running Friend You Suspect is Suffering from an Eating Disorder (saltyrunning.com)
- Girls face eating disorders (wfmz.com)
- What Causes Eating Disorders? (casapalmera.com)