Feeding my insecurities standing in front of the mirror I think about calling him. I need some company. So I do, and I ask him to come over. This is the last time, I need to tell him, this is the last time. I can’t keep doing this, I can’t keep going down this track. He is convinced I want him more than anyone and anything and he will be doing me a favor by showing up. He thinks I want his body to feast on, but all I wanted was not to be alone for a few hours. I take another look into the mirror; I’m in nothing but a pair of blue panties and I begin to think why would anyone want me, seriously, why? And no one does. And those who claim they do are lying. At least some, like him, are honest about it. I’m just someone they see when they can’t get the girls really want and love, and it’s okay, because I play that role pretty well. I allow myself to be this person, this female, this body, this empty physical thing, but I couldn’t hide how uninterested I was this time around. How can I tell him I just need a friend and not a lover? Because I know I deserve better than a daytime hookup and little to no conversation.
We commit to people and say we will love them forever until something goes wrong. Why are humans so selfish and self-absorbed? Personally, if I see someone down, I sit down next them and try to give them the strength to get back up. I would do that for a stranger, so imagine if it was someone I loved? So yes, yes darling, I will still love you no matter what. I promise.